We get asked questions on all topics. Sometimes, the dilemmas that hit Question Box inspire us to write an essay (or close). Other times, we feel just a few lines will do. We’ll be popping all our shorter letters into a regular section called ‘quickies’. It’s just how it sounds – a short, fast dose of RC advice. Hands up who doesn’t love a quickie? We thought so. This quickies update covers questions on snooping, coping with your guy’s collection of man ornaments, wedding invite woes and whether blokes will find you weird if you’re 23 and still a virgin. Got a question that you’d like us to take a crack at? Email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the anonymous Question Box.
Never had penetrative sex – how weird am I?
I’m a 23 year old girl and – although I’m not totally inexperienced and I’ve been on plenty of dates – I have never had penetrative sex with a guy. I know some other girls my age who haven’t either, so I know it is not as rare as the media would have you believe, but how “weird” am I, exactly? Is it something that would make guys run a mile, or do they not care? Concerned.
It depends on the guy, but given the mail we get from angst-ridden blokes who find it hard coping with their partner’s sexual past, the odds are good that most men wouldn’t care (and might actually be pleased you haven’t ‘gone all the way’, as it were). To the right guy, it won’t be a biggie – so don’t lose sleep over it.
Is snooping on a lover ever OK?
Do you think snooping is OK if you strongly suspect that someone’s cheating on you? Even if they deny it? Anon
Getting the truth face to face is always the better option. That said, if you’re facing denials, have concrete evidence that something’s going on and consider the relationship over if it is, we’re not going to tell you to ignore your intuition.
He has too many man ornaments!
My boyfriend and I have recently moved in together (my first time living with a mate) and he seems to have a huge number of what I can only describe as ‘man ornaments’. Most are brown and masculine and when he excitedly presented each treasured item to me to find a prized position in our new home I was unsure what to do (other than run screaming to the rubbish bin). Any words of wisdom re moving them on to knickknack heaven? Anon, via email
These cohabiting compromises are sent to try us – but, in the interests of a happy home, you may have to have to suck it up and find a place for his commemorative beer coasters. Later, if you have a spare room/garage/attic, suggest enthusiastically that he create his own man cave there, where his knickknacks can live full-time. Win/win, huh?
I wasn’t invited!
My new man was invited to a wedding of a female friend I don’t know. We haven’t been together long and I’ve never met her, but she knows of me and still, I wasn’t invited. How should I play this? Wedding Invite Woes
Let it go, Susan. Wedding invite lists are the bane of any bride’s life and when numbers are tight, often the ‘new partners we don’t know’ are jettisoned. It’s not personal, and you’ll score major brownie points with your guy if you keep your cool about it.
Boyfriend likes own time too much
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months. It’s been a while since both of us were last in ‘proper’ relationships and I find he doesn’t seem to need much time together. I’ve brought this up with him but there’s been no change. Want to be Wanted, via email
He’s either a loner who’s happy with the status quo, or he’s not ready for a relationship, so he keeps you at arm’s length. Only you know how long you’re willing to wait for him to change, but if you’re not deliriously happy four months in, that’s not a great sign.
Have I wrecked things by taking time out?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 months and at first it was great, but after I took a couple of days out to sort out some personal problems he has basically blown me off ever since saying he’s ‘busy at work’. He’s now on a pre-planned holiday and I haven’t heard from him since he left. Do I prepare for the dump? MadeAMistake, via email
Not necessarily. He may have been flat out at work preparing to go on holiday, and possibly a bit hurt or confused about your ‘time out’. Let it go til he gets back, then get in touch and see where you stand. He can’t avoid you forever. Hope it all works out.