We’re finally together but I’m scared he’ll break my heart

We’re finally together but I’m scared he’ll break my heart

I have had a crush on a guy (let’s call him Ted) for years. We knew each other in primary school and ended up at the same college on the same course and my crush erupted into real feelings – but I always assumed it was one-way and never told him. After college I decided I had to move on and try to meet other people and I did have a boyfriend for about four months. I thought he was the ‘one’ but he ended up losing his feelings for me and breaking it off and although I was sad, it was also a great relief because, surprise… I still secretly had feelings for Ted. But, for a while I managed to forget about him and started dating again. And after another horrible break-up I became scared of getting back into dating. 

Then a miracle kind of happened. I found out not too long ago that Ted actually had feelings for me in college. He told me he’d never had the guts to say anything to me – so he was literally in the same position as I was. We arranged to meet up and it went really well. I was really nervous, we hadn’t seen each other for months but it felt like old times, he’s just as funny and awesome as ever. Towards the end of the evening he kissed me, and while there were sparks there was also this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can see myself having a healthy relationship with Ted, but I know I’m terrified of getting hurt again. Why am I afraid? I’m the luckiest girl right now. That I can’t accept that is literally driving me insane. Wizzy

There’s a great C.S. Lewis quote about this very dilemma: “If you love deeply you’re going to get hurt badly. But it’s always worth it.” That’s a lesson we all learn eventually if we put our heart on the line, but I reckon you’ve steered into overthinking territory. I can’t give you any guarantees you’re not headed for another heartbreak – no one can – but what’s the alternative? To sit at home in your jim-jams and admire Ted from afar for another twenty years? Or stalk him on Facebook? Or tell him to take a time out until you feel AOK about dating again and in the meantime watch him swan off into the sunset with someone else? Seriously, I reckon you’ve waited long enough to fill that Ted-shaped hole in your life, Wizzy.

That’s why you need to run towards this dude and hug him hard. You need to chill out about what the future holds, and let it unfold. You need to let whatever happens, happen. And enjoy the HELL out of your hot new love affair with someone you’ve fancied for pretty much most of your life. Crushes are a dime a dozen but finding out your crush has the hots for you too? Well, that’s rare and awesome and worth taking a chance on, regardless of whether it ends with you back on your therapist’s couch – or living happily ever after.

Love, reality chick

Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


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