We’re on-again, off-again and I’m lost. Is there any hope with this guy?

We’re on-again, off-again and I’m lost. Is there any hope with this guy?

"We're on again, off again and I'm lost. Is there any hope with this guy?"
My ex and I broke up two months ago after being together seven months. At first, we were friends with benefits. I liked him but he didn’t want a relationship. I ended up deploying to Afghanistan and after two months of no contact he got in touch saying he realized he made a mistake and he wanted to be with me when I got back.

I was hesitant, but agreed to give him a chance. When I got home we were inseparable. We were perfect together, we never fought and I felt we were actually in love. He met my parents at Christmas and they loved him too. Then one night in March, he fell asleep drunk and I found conversations he was having with other girls, naked pictures and crap. I was so devastated. I never saw it coming.

Since then, he’s told me he loved me, missed me, was afraid. He also got a DUI. He chooses when he talks to me (most of the time he ignores me). He asks me all the time to have sex and we do and he says all that sweet lovey stuff and cuddles and spends the night. I was slightly over him but the feelings came back, and now I’m lost. I try talking to him about us and he ignores the subject. But then he gets drunk and acts like we are dating again, starts talking about the past, memories etc.

I feel used and desperate. I keep telling him I’m not going to be used and treated like crap but he never responds. It’s so hard not to text him… we haven’t gone longer than two days without talking to each other. Do you think there’s any hope? Mariah

I always think it’s best to look at what people do rather than what they say, and I’m sure you’d agree that his track record as a boyfriend isn’t great. That said, you, my poppet, are in deep. The chances are high that you probably won’t listen to a word I say. So here goes nothing!

This dude is not going to do a massive 360, pick up his game and suddenly become The Perfect Boyfriend. He just isn’t. And if you don’t want to feel used and desperate and like you’re on a big merry-go-round of fuckwittage and general craziness, free yourself. Take yourself out of his orbit. Take him out of yours. Delete his number. Put all his photos and stuff that reminds you of him into a big box and put it somewhere hard to get to (like, the tip) and from this point onwards until the end of time STOP answering his texts and STOP having sex with him. STOP listening to a word he says. Instead, see him for what he is: a lying, cheating, potentially-alcoholic ass clown who will never treat you the way you deserve. You can do better, Mariah. So do better.

Love, reality chick


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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).

2 Comments

  1. The Friendly Psychologist 4 years ago

    Hear hear RC!

    Get away from this guy….no contact, ever. He will not change, he is declaring his intentions through his actions and they ain’t pretty.

    If you get distance from him you’ll realise what a prick he has been and hopefully youll resolve never to be treated like that again.

    Keep sleeping with him and you’ll never heal. It’s not just sex, no matter how hard you might try and convince yourself that. Your feelings will never heal if you keep this up. Walk away. And good luck!

    • Author

      Thanks, TFP. Ex sex is so damn tempting but the damage control isn’t worth it when it comes to your mental health sometimes…

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