We’re separated but I desperately want her back

We’re separated but I desperately want her back

My wife and I got married in 2011 – and a year ago she said she wasn’t happy and moved back to her parents house. I’m still completely in love with her. My wife really can’t handle her drink and doesn’t know when to say stop – and on a night out while we were still living together, she slept with another guy. I was willing to work past this, and although we’ve been split for a year we’re still sleeping together occasionally.

We agreed that if we were going to start seeing anyone we would tell the other to soften the blow rather than hear it from someone else. She told me recently that she is going on a second date with a guy just 2 days after we last slept together and I don’t know what to do. I’m desperate to get her back. Help. Andy

Sorry for your pain, Andy. Unrequited love is an exquisite kind of hell. And, I’m also sorry to be the one to dole out the tough love, but your marriage is over. It was over a year ago, but you can’t accept that or move on because you’re still sleeping with her. Sex with an ex you’re still desperately in love with can’t be anything but insidious and toxic. It gives you false hope and keeps you in limbo.

Maybe that’s where she wants you – as her fallback guy. I don’t know her, so I won’t speculate but it does sound to me like you had a bit of an unbalanced and unhealthy dynamic going on in your marriage. She took, you gave. She drank too much, you forgave. She fucked someone else, you wanted to work through it. She left you, she’s openly dating and yet you’ll STILL do whatever it’ll take to get her back. Man, stop. Stop it right now. You don’t deserve that shit. You deserve more than the crumbs she’s tossing you.

No contact, Andy. It’s your only hope for getting past this pain and to the other side, where you’ll have a chance to get some perspective and start afresh. I wish you all the best doing that.

Love, reality chick

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