Hi Reality Chick. I’ve got a question about friending exes on Facebook, especially when you’re in a relationship or married. My husband has numerous exes and they’re all friends and leave messages on his wall. I don’t care really, except I didn’t know some of them were exes until I asked him. What are the ‘rules’ about Facebook and exes? Would love your opinion. M
There are no rules and that’s arguably half the problem. Once upon a time we broke up with someone, handed back their stuff and never saw them again. Life went on. Now, for many of us, it’s the done thing to keep connections alive with anyone you’ve known in the biblical sense and social media fast-tracks that process, helpfully providing access to an ex’s every move, complete with photo history.
If I sound cynical it’s because I am, a bit. I have a love-loathe relationship with FB, which makes it easy to dredge up the past. It’s in your face on a daily basis and while you can decide not to friend your exes and move forward in your life with a clean slate, it’s a bit control-freakish to demand your partner does the same. Not that I’m suggesting you do that or even want to. You sound like a cool chick who’s okay with the whole ex thing for the most part, but would perhaps like more openness with your husband. So I’d just ask for it. If it means knowing who’s an ex and who’s a former fuck buddy and who’s a chick he had cyber sex with when he was single, say so. If it means knowing more about his past and what those women meant to him, open up that dialogue. It’s an icky one, but it’ll mean greater understanding and intimacy between you in the long run. Ultimately, I think when you’re in a relationship disclosure about former lovers – be it on Facebook, or at a party where said lover happens to be – should be a given, just as a basic courtesy.
For what it’s worth, MEN have mixed feelings about their partners friending exes on Facebook, according to an Askmen.com survey. Of those polled, 41 percent say they’re absolutely fine with it; 28 percent are only OK about it if they’ve met the ex in question and 31 percent say it’s just not cricket. I’m still searching for a study on how women feel about it. Watch this space. 🙂
Love, reality chick