I‘ve been ‘seeing’ a guy for 12 months. He lives an hour’s flight away and we usually see each other once a month when he is in town for work. About six months into it, we had a discussion about whether we wanted a relationship rather than be friends-with-benefits. We agreed that we should spend more time with each other to see if that was what we wanted but it was difficult to get him to commit to spending time together.
We ended up having a huge fight after spending a weekend together and I thought we’d never speak to each other again. But a few weeks later he made a huge apology and things have been good since then. He calls most days but we still haven’t spent anymore than two nights together. He gets jealous if I mention another guy and I know he hasn’t been dating anyone. I suggested that we have a long term relationship but he is not keen on doing long distance and is probably moving away (five hours away) for six months for work. He says the only thing stopping him is distance.
He’ll be here for work pretty regularly over the next couple of months for work and wants to spend as much time together (including weekends) as possible (he has suggested that we stop having sex, which we’ve tried on two other occasions and we always end up having sex). I’m so confused!! Why would he want to spend all that time together but not have a relationship or sex?!?! Zuki
He wants to have his cake. A back-up plan. A fall-back girl. You, my dear, are it. Of course he gets jealous when you mention other guys; he doesn’t want any other dudes muscling in on his turf in case he decides he wants you in his life and in his bed full-time. But clearly that’s not about to happen anytime soon because he gets you when he wants you without having to make any kind of real commitment whatsoever. The ‘let’s not have sex’ thing – oh, please. If there was ever a better way to guarantee yourself sex it’s two people who have the hots for one another who rarely see each other trying to deny their basic instincts when they ARE together. Neither of you stands a chance.
As for whether he’s dating or not dating, at this point I would take all declarations that he’s not with a grain of proverbial salt. It’s not like you have any idea anyway, right? The man is a Up-In-The-Air George Clooneyesque gypsy. Either tell him it’s time to stop fence-sitting and decide what he wants (you; a relationship with you; nothing) or walk away. Don’t let him set the terms when there’s such little benefit for you. A once-a-month relationship is pretty much torture no matter how you spin it, and I do question why you’d stick around when the promise of more is vague at best.
Love, reality chick