I’ve been casually dating a guy for about 6 months. He’s always been upfront about the fact that he doesn’t want a relationship, which is fine by me, and we fell into a nice rhythm of getting together every couple of weeks for a nice date and sleepover.
However, I haven’t heard from him for a while so it appears he’s cooled off. I don’t want to just leave it and I feel like I want an explanation – but at the same time I don’t want to come across as aggressive when he owes me nothing really. Should I just text him and ask what’s up, or leave it and always wonder? Katie
So, you had the type of thing where hooking up was pretty much your reason for hanging out. Probably not a relationship you’d gush to your parents about over Sunday lunch, but such an arrangement can actually be fun, liberating and devoid of bullshit – especially if you’re single and not in the market for anything serious. That said, I disagree that your bedpal owes you nothing. You don’t have nice dates and sleepovers and six months of doing the no-pants dance with someone only to decide, ‘Ho hum, I’m over that now, I think I’ll just stop calling her and hope she gets the message’. (Well, okay, you do if you’re a major douche-bag.)
I reckon you have two options: a) assume he’s a major douchebag and not worthy of any more of your time. Or b) get closure by being the bigger person. If you opt for b), I agree a text is a low-key way to go, saying something along the lines of, ‘Hey Michael. Haven’t heard from you in a while. I’m guessing you’ve either met someone else or you feel our thing has run its course – totally fine if so. Just felt funny leaving it without letting you know that, well, it’s been fun! Take care.’ If he has any sense of decency, he’ll realise the silent dump was a dick move and he’ll either reply with a humble confirmation of what you already suspect – or he’ll apologise, tell you he’s been super busy at work and ask if you’re free for a weekend sleepover. (Whether you pack your overnight bag is another question entirely.)
Love, reality chick