Why can’t he handle my crying?

Why can’t he handle my crying?

cryinggirlMy husband is a sweetheart – usually. However I have been down lately due to a few medical issues and he has been a total nightmare. He has a complete inability to handle it when I get upset. I don’t cry often but when I do he will either pat my shoulder, tell me jovially to ‘cheer up’ or simply walk out of the room and leave me to it. I just can’t understand why he can’t be kind when I’m a blubbering mess. Mary

I’m going to tread carefully with this one because I’m sure there are blokes out there who instinctively know just how to comfort a damsel in distress. Many, however, go for the slap-on-the-back kind of tough love approach they’d use on a mate who stuffed up the try of a century. Really clueless blokes might turn the radio up to drown out the noise. Others may simply disappear from the scene, which effectively makes you forget whatever you were crying about and just want to bop them one for being so insensitive.

It’s just one of those baffling male/female difference things, and my theory? Many men faced with a weeping female automatically suspect that a) they might possibly be to blame or b) a LOT of talking will be required to resolve the tears and or associated issue, and if he’s the kind of dude who likes relationship discussions to be presented in bullet form and take less than 2.5 minutes, legging it seems like a really good idea at the time. The thing is, sometimes women like a good old bawl. Sometimes we want to be left alone to really wallow. But most of the time, we just want a hug and a cuppa. Hear that, boys? A hug. And a cuppa. Simples.

Love, reality chick

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Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. jjMichael 11 years ago

    No. But now i will. Thanks for that.

  2. Karen 11 years ago

    Good advice Bella – although a solution would be preferable to what my ex used to do. He actually used to get MAD when I cried and stomp around, etc. He just couldn’t cope with tears at all.
    Now I’m lucky, I have a lovely guy who know when the wobbly lip starts, it’s time to just give me a cuddle!!!

  3. Bella Stella 11 years ago

    It might be worth explaining to your hubby that when you’re upset, you just need a shoulder to cry on, a comforting hug and a sympathetic ear. I think a lot of men (and of course some women) feel like they need to offer a solution to the problem, and if they think they can’t fix your problem, they feel helpless and so distance themselves. Take the pressure off him and teach him what you really need (rather than what he thinks you need), in a loving way.

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