Why does he text instead of call?

Why does he text instead of call?
istextingkillingoffdatingHey RC, I’ve got a good question for you. Why is it that every guy I meet lately persists in continually and randomly texting me (rather than just calling me up on the phone and actually talking to me?!) Last week I went on a first date with a guy who seemed great. We got on really well, he kept touching my arm and complimenting me. We talked about how we both were at a stage where we were only up for something real, and weren’t into dating as a sport. So when I got a friendly text from him two days later I responded and now it is ten days later and all I’ve got to show for it is a full in-box on my phone, yet he still hasn’t suggested a definite second date. I don’t get it! If a guy sends a friendly text, without doing the second date follow up should you respond or stand firm and wait to see if he’s got the confidence and likes you enough to actually ask you out? Confused Chrissie

Whew. It’s a common question Chrissie, and given the guy’s positive signals I’d be ready to bop him one for resorting to what I consider a shifty and super-lazy form of communicating, particularly in the early hook-up stages. Texting’s fab on many levels, allowing us to contact loved ones regardless of whether they’re stuck in traffic or hiking up Mount Kilimanjaru. But the downer on the dating beat are dudes – and women for that matter too – using it to hide or keep someone hanging. The first few texts after meeting someone can be about establishing a rapport, fine – but I reckon that’s also the time to gently steer the person towards the phone with a message like, ‘Hey, I have to turn my mobile off when I’m at work, but if you’re lucky you may be able to catch me on the land-line [insert number] before 6.30, which is when I head out for yoga’. Then maybe reply to every third text with again, a mention of how busy you’ve been and the best way to reach you (land-line again) at a specific time. After no calls – and ten days of texts – you can safely assume his translate to: ‘Hey babe, you’re not important enough for me to spare 5 minutes to phone and ask you out properly, but this meaningless text exchange is still a great boost to my ego. So thanks for allowing me to be a spineless tool who gets to feel like he’s dating, without actually having to make any real effort’. Harsh, I know, Chrissie, but if the guy isn’t motivated enough to pick up the phone and ask you for coffee (which could take all of two minutes), he doesn’t deserve a second of your sweet time.
Love, reality chick

Got a question for RC or the Manswers team? Drop a line in

the RC Question Box! (Questions may be edited.)
Freelance journo, blogger, self-appointed advice-giver and co-author of Get Lucky. If you've got a dating or relationship issue, feel free to ask a question. (PS. You can also find me at The Mama Files and Letter To My Ex).


  1. Pat Riarchy 8 years ago

    It’s clearly beyond females to take charge of their own lives. They must wait around for things to happen TO them not BECAUSE OF them.

    How about, if you want to see him again, YOU phone him and ask HIM out on a date. He did the first now you, as a female who demands equality, should do the second. The fact the you have not tells him that you are a weak Female Chauvinist Pig because you refuse to treat genders equally and you impose gender specific stereotypes. This would also make you a Liar and a Hypocrite when you scream for equality. So he knows you are just trying to manipulate him and take him for whatever you can get. Stuff you would be my thoughts. I bet that’s what has crossed his mind as well.

    Try treating men with the same respect you demand for yourself and you will do a LOT better with men.

  2. Anonymous 11 years ago

    *Lightbulb moment*

    Thankyou RC!

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *