Money has always been an issue in my marriage – my husband is just not a saver so we constantly find ourselves in strife and we are about to have a baby so I’m very worried as I won’t be working for a while. We fight all the time about money. Short of winning the lottery what the hell can we do and what can we expect when the baby comes? Money Too Tight To Mention
Ah, wouldn’t it be nice to win lotto…buy that house near the beach, a new set of wheels, head off overseas first class…sorry, what were we talking about? Oh that’s right. Money. A cause of friction for many a couple. There have actually been studies done about the incidence of spenders marrying savers. Research shows financial opposites often attract. Perhaps its nature’s way of making sure we balance each other out. With a bun in the oven (congrats!) you can’t help but be concerned about how things will play out once you clock off to look after things at home. You’re thinking nappies, formula, groceries…babies can be expensive little critters.
So, here’s what you do. Act now, not when you are on maternity leave. Take him out for some fresh air. A walk perhaps. Wait until you are both relaxed and then try to establish some common goals that require a few sheckles. Buying a house, going on a nice holiday, putting aside some baby savings. Whatever your shared goals are, find a way to start working towards them together.
You could try setting a day in the calendar (like, after your pay days) where you can sit down at the computer and move a fixed amount towards your goal. Better yet, set up a direct debit. You might like to suggest a trip to a financial planner together with the excuse that you’re looking for the best way to get ahead as a single income family. Talk a little about your goals beforehand. A third party can make the world of difference when talking about the delicate topic of money.
Lastly, even if he is the spender and gets you into debt, try not to lay blame. Focus instead on being neutral, respectful and humble. Try not to force your own views, but instead, focus on the big picture and remember you two are a financial team, even if he sometimes drops the ball.
Love, reality chick